Time is Always Moving

The hardest concept to draw on with loss is that time is never ending. It's going to keep flowing whether your loved one is there or not. Things are still going to happen and the world won't just freeze while you sit in your mind confused, angry, and depressed. It doesn't tread any slower nor faster than before the loss of the one you're mourning it's a constant stream of eternity.

Sometimes you have to gather yourself, gather your emotions, and look at the world through a different set of eyes. Those questions of doubt cloud your mind, begging to be answered but at this time there are none. There's nothing you can do, nothing you can say to make those feelings any better. It's going to happen and you just have to surrender to it at the beginning. As time continues, and as we just establishes it will, you're going to feel better. You're going to know this isn't the end of the world, not yet anyway.

What could I have done? Should I have called more? I didn't stay in touch. Maybe I should have reached out to her. Why didn't I message her? Why didn't I try harder? Why didn't she try harder? Didn't she know this would hurt? How much did she hurt? Why did she hurt? What could I have done?

The relentless thoughts, questions, and images bombard your mind making you feel worthless and useless. Time travel isn't a thing, you can't go back and fix those things you so desperately wish you could change. You really wish you could, but that's not possible. It just hurts. That's all you can do now and that's all you could do then.

Even now, as I write in the midst of pure, raging emotion, I know these things to be true. Life hurts but it's a journey. When other lives get cut from thst journey it's a never ending pain that dulls with time. It doesn't go away. Every year there's a day I'll be reminded of her. Every family gathering, when she isn't there, I'll feel that pain like a giant weight on my shoulders. It's not fair but I suppose life isn't.